笑话连天

GUppies

英文老学不好，总得靠金山词霸。还是用中文好。

我这可不是复制的，是亲耳听大羽说的：

                                         好人、恶人、坏人

大羽和他老婆是初中高中的同学，一晚聊起学校往事。
老婆说：老师都说历史上那么多战争、屠杀，都死了好多人，
大羽说：记得老师说，光三国时就死了90%以上的人口。
老婆说：老师还说，而且死的都是“好人”。真的么？
大羽说：当然呀，书上也都这么说，死的要不是正义的抵抗者就是无辜的人，可不都是好人！
老婆：……看来现在都没有好人了！
大羽：咋这么说？
老婆：好人不该早就给杀光了么！
大羽：啊……不会吧，起码还有咱俩是好人嘛。
老婆：你也不是好人，最多只剩下我一个。我才姓好（郝）。

“你们也都不是好人，只有我才是！”是刚进来的小羽的声音。
大羽两口子呵斥道：乱说些什么！
“你们不总是要我别打搅你们的‘恶（二）人世界’么！都是恶人、坏人！”
大羽夫妻无语。

海森高

好人也好，坏人也好，吃饱了都不饿。

海森高

It seems that there were twin brothers by the name of Jones, John and Joe. John was married and Joe was single. Joe was the proud owner of a dilapidated boat. It so happened that Joes boat sank on the same day that Johns wife died.
A few days later a kindly old lady met Joe on the street, and mistaking him for John said:" I was sorry to hear of your great loss, and you must feel terrible." Joe replied; " Well, I am not a bit sorry. She was a rotten old thing from the start. Her bottom was all chewed up, and she smelled of old fish. The first time I got into her she made water faster that anything I ever saw. She had a crack and a pretty big hole in front that kept getting bigger and bigger every time that I used her. It got so I could handle her all right, but when someone else was using her she leaked like anything. This is what finished her off: Four guys from the other side of town came down looking for a good time. They asked if I could rent her to them. I warned them that she wasnt so hot, but the crazy fools all tried to get into her at the same time. It was too much for her and she cracked right up the middle! " THE OLD LADY FAINTED.

海森高

如果把西游记倒过来看，其实更精彩。 如来派师徒四人带上八部天书和小白龙去东土大唐传教,在一路上遇到了各种妖怪,打来打去发现他们都是有后台的,无论怎么作恶都不受惩罚，八戒和沙僧觉得太黑暗了,无奈一个躲进了高老庄,一个钻进了流沙河,只有悟空坚持正义一路斩妖除魔护送师傅东去传教。 结果天庭对悟空实在忍无可忍就和如来达成协议——我们可以保证唐三藏平安到长安,不过你得把孙悟空这个刺儿头给办了,如来同意了，在一翻阴谋之下，白龙重伤坠入山涧，悟空败了，被压在了五指山下,而唐三藏却抛弃了孙悟空，孤身来到长安，在长安传完教，被封为御弟，享受完荣华富贵，寿终正寝。 就这样过了五百年,悟空终于从五指山下逃了出来,一声不吭,把天庭搅了个天翻地覆,天庭被逼无奈许诺让猪八戒化为人身，封为天蓬元帅 ，沙和尚封为卷帘大将，只要他们能够杀掉孙悟空。 最后的最后，因为兄弟相残而心灰意冷的悟空去寻找菩提祖师解惑，然后他封印了修为，如意金箍棒扔进了东海化作定海神针，回到花果山，陪着猴子猴孙过完了平凡的一生，最终在花果山的山顶化作了一块石头…… 这才是真正的社会。

GUppies

海森高 发表于 2013-10-31 20:00
如果把西游记倒过来看，其实更精彩。 如来派师徒四人带上八部天书和小白龙去东土大唐传教,在一路上遇到了各 ...

帮你配个图：

海森高

GUppies 发表于 2013-10-31 21:42
帮你配个图：

谢谢。
是上下两册的哈，
把这张图放在镜子里一次，上下两个字就会还原了吧？

海森高

A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away. "Arent you going to have a drink yourself?" asked the doctor. "Sure; after the police leave," replied the lawyer.